When Life Gets in the Way by Ines Vieira

Author:Ines Vieira [Vieira, Ines]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Ines Vieira
Published: 2016-08-01T05:00:00+00:00

«Shut it down! »

My mind apparently made the time to make an appearance after all. «Shut it down! You don’t have time for this! You don’t have this luxury! Stop it! »

Very disgruntled, I made myself take my hands out of Isaac’s hair and put both hands on his chest and, reluctantly, pushing us apart. As I did this, I felt this hard rock chest with my hands. This was not a surprising factor. This rock solid chest had been crushing my very sensitive breasts; just two seconds ago. No, the surprising factor was that I felt Isaac’s heartbeat as fast as my own.

He looked down at me, so surprised with this abrupt interruption, that I took a step back from him so that he could adapt. I also realized that I had barely said a word since we had come up. I made sure I was not flustered as I said what I wanted to.

In my coolest and calmest voice, I said, “It’s late. I have to go.” I had been able to gain enough distance between us, that I got to the door before he could stop me.

“What are you talking about?? You’ve been barely here an hour.” He sounded upset. Of course, he did. Even I was pissed. Why would I expect him to have a different reaction?

“Stay! Damn it, Cass! Stay! You barely said a word to me all night! All day for that matter! What the hell, Cass?! Is this it? I kiss you and your first reaction is to bolt? Talk to me!”

Yep, definitely pissed. But what could I say? I’m fucked up! My whole life is fucked up and I can’t have more distractions than the ones my family already provides. I have to keep my eye on the ball; otherwise, I’ll be stuck here forever. What can I say? I can’t tell him that the real reason is that I’m too scared to give in to these feelings. I’m scared that by letting me not be in control of this situation, then everything else will fall apart. Because I know that is exactly what will happen in the long run. If I give into this, then I will lose him sooner or later. But I can't tell him that. He thinks I’m just being practical. I don’t want him to think otherwise. So better to have him pissed at me than lose him. That right there. That’s what I didn’t want.

So I did what I could, I grabbed the door handle and instead of leaving, I looked back just once more to see his face. Suddenly that bible passage of Lot’s wife turning to salt because she had to look back on Gomorra made sense to me now. You should never look back. But I did and there lay my ruin.

When I looked back I saw him looking at me with a pleading heart. I saw the boy that I couldn’t get out of my mind; look at me the way I had been feeling for more time than I cared to admit.

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